Four years ago tonight I was in labor. I was eating chicken and rice for dinner; Gary cooked because I was totally scatterbrained, and he was royally ticking me off because he kept trying to talk to me while I was breathing through contractions. I was excited about being in labor, worried that it wasn't the real deal, and I had no idea what was in store for me.

Being the mother of Baby Spencer was a million times more difficult than I thought it would be. There were days when I thought I wasn't going to make it through to the next morning without walking out the door, there were nights when I'd have gladly given all the money we had for three consecutive hours of sleep. I thought postpartum depression was going to be the end of me. I thought I wasn't cut out to be a mother. Somehow, not in spite of how hard things were, but because of it, I grew to love him more than I could have ever imagined. The things we went through, we did them together.

Now he's turning four and I can't believe that I have a child who will be starting kindergarten next year. I remember being four. It freaks me out that he is an age that I remember being. I can't believe that he's reading and writing and asking a lot of questions that sound awfully grown-up. He has this whole preschool life outside of our house, and a growing circle of friends, and a way of making me feel like I'm the World's Best Mom even when I feel like every parenting decision I make is the wrong one. I love his grin, the way he dances with abandon, how he loves and looks after Ginger like only a big brother can.

Happy fourth birthday, Spencer-boy.

Comments

[Rachael]

I cannot believe that child is four! He's my little baby buddy boy!

[Lisa]

I can't believe he's four either! Have I been reading you that long???!!! Wow, time flies. I remember when he was born - we were in Hawaii and when we came back you hadn't posted in a while and then - the birth story! :) I was so excited! Happy Momiversary to you!

[Bethany]

Happy Birthday Spencer!

[Sarah]

Happy Birthday Spencer!

[Kim]

It's hard to believe that our little boys are four! I remember us being pregnant at the same time and waiting for our babies to come. Spencer is so adorable! Happy Fourth Birthday!

Time sure does fly.

[elizabeth]

Happy Birthday Spencer! I started reading your blog about 2 years ago. At that time I went through all the archives. Whatever happened with Gary's daughter? Does he ever see her? This has been lurking in the back of my mind from way back when. And you never posted anything about it again....

[Ali]

I'm a day late chiming in here, but happy birthday to your sweet little man. :)

[sherry]

*sniff sniff*

Happy belated birthday Spencer!

I remember I was pregnant with Hayley when you had Spencer and I wondered if my big day would ever come. I can't believe he's four.

(I also can't believe I've been reading you since years before you were even pregnant. Sheesh.)

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