A few months back I saw a piece on the news about a new book, Let the Baby Drive. At first I rolled my eyes at Gary in a "not-another-baby-instruction-manual" look. The news clip didn't give me a lot of information, and when I looked up the book online I was surprised at what I found. It seemed like it might be something I'd actually like.
I put in an ILL request at the library, picked up the book today and have devoured the first few chapters. This woman, the author, Lu Hanessian, had a firstborn a lot like Spencer. Hated the stroller. Hated the carseat. Screamed for nine hours straight his first night home from the hospital. From day one, was awakened by the tiniest, softest noise. Sound familiar?
More important to me is that she seems to have the same instincts that I do. Even though she is dead tired and can barely stand up straight, she responds to her baby's cries every time because she knows that his wants and his needs are the same. When another mother goes on and on about letting her baby cry himself to sleep, Hanessian writes,
"I want to say something. I want to howl interminably about how pitiful I think it is to let a baby bawl himself into exhaustion alone in the dark. I want to lift the flaps of auburn hair from her ears and shout, 'What are you talking about, woman? This child is twenty weeks old! He was in the womb longer than he's been out here! He has gas! He has a hangnail! He's thirsty! He's lonely! He's disoriented! His incisors are coming in! His Velcro diaper tab is pinching his thigh! And you want to teach him how to sleep? He wants comfort for things you can't see! Can't you see?'
I guess I couldn't let Nicholas scream hysterically alone in the dark, because I think of all the trust he has built in us to respond to him. This mother has broken her son's night-waking pattern. But if I did that to my baby, I'd feel like I'd be breaking him."
Amen.